ended

It has ended and it was good while it lasted.

I know I will never be able to find someone who takes care of me as well as he does.

I am sad but we all have to move on.

He held my hand

After a food tasting session in the east, we were going to drop j back to her office and wait for her. She sat in the front while we took the back seats. I was very tired and leaned on his shoulder to nap. When we reach J's office, his phone rang and he started talking on the phone and i shifted away. He motioned for me to shift over so he could rest his head on my shoulder instead. We remained in such a position till he finished his call.

After J came down and driver will drop her in town and I said that was fine with me. I rested my head on his shoulder again. Then he shifted his hand over to hold my hand. J turned over to speak to us and saw our position, but not sure if she saw his hand covering my. I waited for him to shift his hand away, which I think he dare not for fear of j seeing it. When J faced the front, i drew my hand away and sat up properly. 

I still like you

Its been a while and I still like you. I am still confused by you. Your wife and kid joined us for dinner. I know my place very well and I immediate picked a seat opposite of you. I realized at that moment, the immediate seats to your left and right will never belong to me. That was when I told myself, I will never ever sit beside you again. I threw a small tantrum, i picked on the food and refused to finish the food. I knew you told the chef not to put parsely into my favorite porridge.

I realized you do not have the habit of sharing food or drinks from the same crockery with others. Yet more than once, we have shared drinks and food. Maybe I am too sensitive, you came over and took the bowl of porridge which I did not finish, and finished it up. It was a shock to me, because your wife was there. I do not know if she realized and thought otherwise.  

I refused to talk to you after your wife and kid left, and you companied us to wait for cabs. 

I had a extreme case of headache and asked if I could lean against your shoulder just for a while. You did not say no. 

It was cold and I placed my hand on your arm for some warm. You asked if I was cold and I replied yes. You placed your hand over mine till I pulled it away. I loved your hands coz they are always so warm and I feel so safe. Like I am being protected. 

I know that people wonder about us. Ah hua asked you if the argument between JT and you were caused by a woman.

You wont push me away, neither will you initiate any move. 

You have become part of my life unknowingly

yes, that is what is happening. It is almost 4pm right now and I have not heard from you yet. I want to text or call you, but I am stopping myself. Why? You could be busy as its your kid's exam tomorrow and I do not want to disturb you. 

But it is indeed weird that I have not heard from you today. I am wondering if you are fine. 

We do not talk much when it is just the two of us. Somehow, it seems you refuse to know more about me, yet you know me well. Were the dinners the previous 2 nights your way of letting me know more about you? I have a very bad habit. I refuse to ask questions about the guys I like. I will wait for them to tell me, which I then gage how comfortable they are with me or how much they trust me. 

I guess, this is especially so for you. Whatever you want me to know or is willingly to let me know, I will know it through conversations of yours with others. I literally went into a shock during the farewell dinner for Scott. You brought your kid along and when I arrived, you told me your wife was coming too! I almost wanted to turn and leave. I thought that was very cruel of you, or you were trying to tell me something. So I forced myself to stay and observe. I think I did a great job, smiling, laughing and talking to everyone inclusive of your wife, except you. I lost my appetite and forced myself to eat whatever I could. 

It was really smacking me right in my face, with your kid sitting in between your wife and you. 

The dinner 2 nights back with jo. I was late and was wondering to sit beside jo or you. Turned out, you already made the decision for me. I sat beside jo and I was told to you had shifted the ventilation and the only seat available was next to you! Jo asked you many questions during the dinner. She asked about your wife, yourself and whatever you are doing. I ate with my head bowed and listened without asking any questions. 

I wondered if I ask you, would you tell me? Whatever I heard, i was happy. But I knew it was not right. 

I cannot really grasp the situation. I am quiet and observant most of the time, because I remember you told me not to offer information voluntarily. You have been doing that, thus I do wonder about your motives behind that.

You think alot and I never knew your burden was so heavy. I worry about you and do not know what I can do to help you or anything I can do to make you happy.   

you dote on me way too much

I never had someone who dote on me so much. Not even my parents or any of the ex boyfriends.

While having dinner last night, you picked out different parts of the fish for me to try, which I know are the best parts. Even Sally asked "Your boss really dotes on you". I smiled and kept quiet.

We will always be fighting to pick up the tab and I would lose. You make sure I am never hungry. Knowing that Mondays are vegetarian days for me, you made sure I had proper dinner though I told you it does not matter as it is once a day.

You stayed with me till 12 in the office to help me though you were already very tired from the previous weeks of short hours sleep.

You introduced me to many of your contacts and told me to decide what I wanted to do and you will open the road for me. You told me you wont let him hurt me.

I sent you a text msg that I was back and you replied "Miss you". What am i supposed to think of that. If Sally could ask me such a question, no doubt everyone else thinks the same.

I am falling for you.

What if the future boyfriend comes along and I make a comparison between the two of you?

I feel like a little girl in front of you and you are just way too high up there. I refuse to ask you for any help except for that matter, coz I wanted it to be a bit more balance between us. I still want my pride. I do not take you for granted and appreciate you. I treasure every moment we share, even if there are other people with us. I like watching you break into your secret smile when you think of something, coz that is the only time when you are in private thoughts.